There's Powhite Parkway in Richmond, Va., which out of courtesy you try to pronounce Pow Hite, but are inevitably corrected by locals: "Oh no, Honey Bunch, it's 'Po white'."
As mentioned in previous posts, Austria has the little hamlet of "Fucking," which is really pronounced "Fooking" in German and doesn't mean what it does in English. But since it has no meaning in German, and everyone in the world knows what it means in English, and everyone in the world finds the meaning in their own lives in that meaning, by default and by delight, Austrians have named their hamlet after sex.
Which indelicately brings me to Worms.
After grandly screwing up a morning of travel last week, in which I was to arrive from Brussels into Munich at around midday---but by midday wasn't anywhere near Munich, other than to say I was in the same country--I called the editor with whom I had scheduled an informal meeting and told her that unless I could bring the third wheel to her romantic evening out with her husband, or follow them around the garden center the following morning helping them pick out grass seed, that it simply would not be possible to meet. Not this time 'round.
Confession: It was actually she who suggested she had these things to do, halting my attempt to reschedule and hone in on her personal life. She was seeing, before her very eyes, a run-of-the-mill coffee meeting with a freelancer about to turn into a "What About Bob" sequel.
After some "see ya next times" were exchanged, she went back to work, and I sat back and thought about how many restraining orders editors have had to take out against freelancers.
And I thought of Plan B: Get off the car-clogged freeway and forget Munich, and head home via the backroads. Maybe I'd run smack dab into a story. Remi the Wonder Dog was all for it.
No story chased me down and tagged me "it," but I did drive by a sign for Worms, a sign for Worms South, and then when there were no more signs of worms in sight, I decided to turn the car around and go back.
If I'd been driven through the backhills of Austria to find Fucking, dammit I was going to the heart of Worms. Such as it is.
We parked the car in the town center and took a gander. It's actually the oldest city in Germany, and where Martin Luther started the Reformation. Before the war, this city also had the largest number of Jews in all of Germany.
I went in search of someone to tell me a bit about the town. A Worm, if you will. Or is it Wormer?
I planted myself in a chair at a cafe, Remi hiding in the shade beneath it.
I ordered a cappucino and eyed the waiter as my victim.
"You seem to get a lot of tourists here in Worms," I said.
"Yes, especially now, when the weather is so nice."
We talked awhile. A nice guy. He's a student, presumably at Worms University. "Worms U," I imagined emblazoned on sweatshirts. Or "U of Worms."
Finally, I asked what about the city really drew in the tourists.
"Two things," he said. "Martin Luther's Worm Diet and Jewish Worms."
He talked awhile, helpfully giving me more info than I would ever need on Christian Worms and Jewish Worms. I drank the last of my Worm coffee while Remi lapped up the last of the shade before, uh, we de-Wormed.
And no, I didn't steal a sign.